F-16s. Just F-16s

My friends, I call on you with a cry of outrage. For I have discovered the truth of our country, of our tainted heritage adn our screwed-up air force. The Telegraph reported in 2001 that Helen Clark, Her Honourable C^^t, decided to SCRAP all 34 of our PRECIOUS FIGHTER JETS.

SKYHAWKS
STRIKEMASTERS
MUSTANGS
HARVARDS

SCRAPPED.

How dare she take it upon herself to destroy these glorious creatures of the sky. How dare she mock our country and our world in this way. How DARE she decide this without even a REFERENDUM, a PUBLIC VOTE to reveal her idiocy. She came into our world and OBLITERATED our freedom to hear screeching jet engines, to revel in our power to knock sparrows dead in our 600kph wake. To grin maniacally when a superprop roars past us at a 200 feet low pass. To....

To be AWESOME.

And this ****************** B*TCH takes this from us. Our last right to power in this country. I hereby declare on this day that simply because she did this, I shall never, EVER vote for a Labour government or leader. Unless they bring back the jets.

But I can go one worse.

I am not a National supporter. If I had my way Kim Dotcom would run the country. But Jenny Shipley, the prime minister of the previous government of National, had planned to buy new aircraft. And not just new aircraft. The ultimate standard of their time. The testament to mankind that raw power was achievable.

F-16S. F-16S. 34 OF THEM. EFF. F&#KING. SIX. TEENS.

There is a god. And there is a hell. And on the 9th of May, 2001, hell won. God had SOMETHING better to do that day then SAVE OUR SOULS FROM HELEN CLARK. Lets just see what DID happen that fateful decisive day in 2001...(googling)...okay. Some stupid sports game got out of hand and killed a few people (127 dead but who gives a shit about that when F-16S HUNG IN THE BALANCE?). George Bush appointed some numbnuts to the supreme court of America. Honestly? NOTHING HAPPENED. And yet the planes were scrapped and the F-16s were lost, a dream in the making of a pioneer without a ministership.

WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????????

 

We must do something about this tragedy. Plans are in the making. JOIN THE FIGHT FOR AWESOME.

Virtual Frenchness, complaints day

Hullo

Been a while.

Forgotten how to speel hello, so that's a good start.
Forgotten how to spel sppell.

Anyway, today is Complaints Day. No its not, but it should be. Let's start with the film industry. Always a good target for complaints, the film industry.

Need for Speed. The movie. Not even kidding.
So there's been this reasonably successful game franchise, right, and it's being turned into a movie. ONly "movie" and "game" are usually the other way around. And for a good reason. It is the most stereotypical, crappy, incredibly shit movie I have ever seen. And I've only seen the trailer. Which basically consists of manly beer swigging, screwing random shit onto a car and quotes like "RACE FOR REDEMPTION" and "WE'RE GONNA NEED A FAST CAR". C'mon, even Fast and Furious TRY to escape the mould (they don't succeed, but they TRY).

Then Noah. The cinematic soon-to-be blockbuster that's appears to have absolutely NO relation to the biblical bestseller of so many thousand years ago. Seriously, even I know it was 40 days of rain and a large wooden boat. Except the trailer shows Russel Crowe building a wooden cube, way too many snakes and no cows, geysers of water, Russell Crowe stabbing a sword into the ground to create fire for no apparent reason, and to top it all off, a YOLO Emma Watson cut. Who the hell knows why.

Now to the global technological crisis. We pride our world on our smug Galaxy smartphones, letters that fly magically to the other side of the world in miliseconds (read: email), and tha ability to find anyone, anywhere, anytime.
Hold up, but we're missing 239 of these impossible-to-lose humans? After almost 100 hours or it being confirmed gone, we still can't find 300 TONNES of flying metal packed with the latest geographic technology Earth has to offer? Plus the 250-odd passengers with smartphones? Something doesn't add up.

Oh wait, we're actually facking USELESS.

And my tech concerns don't stop there. I've just joined a French videoconferencing class to learn Year 11 French, (here's a sexist joke, I'M THE ONLY GUY) because my school is too manly for proper French lessons apparently and must learn the important subject of Rugby instead. Anyway, of the past 5 conferences, I've only been in 2. 1 was a internet downage at my school's end, 1 was an internet downage at the teacher's end, and 1 the teacher had a meeting or whatever. And the last lesson involved the teacher bugging out for 10 minutes, leaving me in a room where I can see 1 person, but for whatever reason the other 7 girls in the conference could ALL see me.

Um...awkward?

Yeah. So that's complaints day. Gotta go. Too much online French homework.