I'm back on the blog. It all seems so familiar yet so unfamiliar. So long, so stupid, so...goddamn it I don't even know what the heck I'm talking about.
Back at school, into the whole serious-exams thing, blah blah blah. Real busy, but hey, who gives.
Anyway, that's not why I'm here. My nonsensical ramblings aren't exactly blog-worthy. See, over the summer, our calves escaped many times. Around 50 I imagine. And so we have to recapture and pen them again. So here are my top ten methods for capturing calves.
1. BLACK FLAG
Get a large rag and soak it. Follow the calf slowly and whenever you want to change it's direction throw the rag in the opposite direction. It will meander off the other way. I personally use a black rag.
2. HASHTAG MANIPULATION
Record a moo and set up a loud radio near the destination. Often it will attempt to find the source of the moo. Very effective if successful, however only measured at 60% success rate
3. OUTSTROP
Some calves are stroppy. (it means pissed). So you have to out-strop them sometimes. They run, you BIKE. Get a bicycle and when they run, outspeed them. Manoeuvrable motorbikes work well too. Corner and catch them.
4. PUBLIC SPEAKING
Stand in front of them and clear your throat. Loudly. Now start talking about random crap, but do it loudly and change your pitch all the time to keep attention. The second person sneaks up and attaches a holster and leash to them. Note; I found talking about environmental politics worked best.
5. REMOTE CONTROLLED CALF
One thing all animals have in common; they HATE remote controlled vehicles. Get a decent RC buggy and chase the calves to the gate. Petrol ones work best as they go fast and create a loud noise. It may be scare tactics, but it's a good last resort.
Oh and by the way, if any animals rights activist has something against me, I suggest they go shove their complaints up their proverbial.
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