The Beats Review. Without the review.

GOT MA BEATS

Yep, after about 3 years of debating over it I finally cut the crap and splashed out on a pair. All goods cause Dick Smith (yes, that is the name of the biggest NZ electronics retailer, slightly depressing) had like 40% or whatever off...cheap as chips, if chips were made of gold and had Dr Dre's face stapled to each one.

I'm not a reviewing person, but I'll make an exception.

So...I bought the Beats Studio 2013 edition, red version. Listening to...uh...'Natalie' at the moment, pretty sure it's Bruno MArs. I can notice the bass but it doesn't overpower the mids and, uh, treble? Yeah it's treble I think. Bruno Mars sounds like he's having a real fuckin cry over his ex, apparently she stole all his money. Guts bro.

Anyway, the red glossy bits don't hold fingerprints too badly but are noticeable if you look for them. Apparently the black ones are like way too obvious with fingerprints. Oh shit here's Lorde. Its that one where the sound goes from side to side and really hurts your ears. OMG THAT HURTS LIKE A BITCH. FUCK YOU LORDE!!!!!AAAHH THIS IS N.O.T NATURAL HOLY SHIT that really hurt.

Anyway um the ControlTalk thing don't work with Windows 8 or my Sony phone, which is annoyign but hey I wasn't expecting it and I sure as hell ain't off to buy a $900 iPhone now. Um what else...oh yeah unboxing it is REALLY nice. Like you think that you're unwrapping something serious. It's cool. They look a bit small in real life but that's better than having way too huge headphones.

My main complaint is one nobody can really fix. The pads lock your ears in real nice and feel good for the first half hour, and then my ears start heating up like a major bitch, and I take them off for a second and they're good again. Kind of annoying.

And that's my review. Um yeah don't buy them on full price but they're certainly nice things, they look nice as well, and there's this little buzz each time you put them on if you're a mainstream prick liek me who likes the idea of having Beats headphones.

Oh for fucks sake now it's bloody MKTO. I HATE mkto. I tell you what happened to the American Dream, guys. It jumped in Al Gore's pocket and ran away when Bush was elected.

U MAD?

So yeah. Loving these bitches. I should probably do my maths homework cos we've got an assessment tomorrow. Piece of free advice; DON'T get into the academic maths course because you absolutely FIRE through it and you'll want to slit your throat sometimes. Seriously I HATE it.

Oh fuck it's ANOTHER mkto song. God only knows when the radio will stop playing you fags.

Yeah
Bye

Straight up

Why, Michael Bay, just why?

You might've guessed I just watched the Transformers 4 trailers. Guess what. Megatron's been resurrected AGAIN, the Decepticons (not very nice transformers with a habit for destroying shit for no reason) want to destroy the Earth...for approximately the 4th time now...and we're going through the cliché list of daddy's gonna die get my bf to save him, along with bigger and more ridiculously OP robots, plus the big baddy government makes their own Transformers, because hey if you can hate on the government why not?

I mean, for gods sake a 9 year old may as well have written this movie. Yeah actually...

TRANSFORMERS 4
WRITTEN BY: HONEY BOO BOO
STARRING: AMERICAN DAD, OVERPUBESCENTLY VOICED ROBOTS AND THAT HUNGER GAMES GUY
DIRECTED BY: MICHAEL PYROMANIAC BAY.

PARAMOUNT PICTURES PROUDLY PRESENTS THEIR SUBMISSION FOR THE GOLDEN RASPBERRY AWARDS.

TOTALLY NOMINATING IT.

F-16s. Just F-16s

My friends, I call on you with a cry of outrage. For I have discovered the truth of our country, of our tainted heritage adn our screwed-up air force. The Telegraph reported in 2001 that Helen Clark, Her Honourable C^^t, decided to SCRAP all 34 of our PRECIOUS FIGHTER JETS.

SKYHAWKS
STRIKEMASTERS
MUSTANGS
HARVARDS

SCRAPPED.

How dare she take it upon herself to destroy these glorious creatures of the sky. How dare she mock our country and our world in this way. How DARE she decide this without even a REFERENDUM, a PUBLIC VOTE to reveal her idiocy. She came into our world and OBLITERATED our freedom to hear screeching jet engines, to revel in our power to knock sparrows dead in our 600kph wake. To grin maniacally when a superprop roars past us at a 200 feet low pass. To....

To be AWESOME.

And this ****************** B*TCH takes this from us. Our last right to power in this country. I hereby declare on this day that simply because she did this, I shall never, EVER vote for a Labour government or leader. Unless they bring back the jets.

But I can go one worse.

I am not a National supporter. If I had my way Kim Dotcom would run the country. But Jenny Shipley, the prime minister of the previous government of National, had planned to buy new aircraft. And not just new aircraft. The ultimate standard of their time. The testament to mankind that raw power was achievable.

F-16S. F-16S. 34 OF THEM. EFF. F&#KING. SIX. TEENS.

There is a god. And there is a hell. And on the 9th of May, 2001, hell won. God had SOMETHING better to do that day then SAVE OUR SOULS FROM HELEN CLARK. Lets just see what DID happen that fateful decisive day in 2001...(googling)...okay. Some stupid sports game got out of hand and killed a few people (127 dead but who gives a shit about that when F-16S HUNG IN THE BALANCE?). George Bush appointed some numbnuts to the supreme court of America. Honestly? NOTHING HAPPENED. And yet the planes were scrapped and the F-16s were lost, a dream in the making of a pioneer without a ministership.

WWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????????

 

We must do something about this tragedy. Plans are in the making. JOIN THE FIGHT FOR AWESOME.

Virtual Frenchness, complaints day

Hullo

Been a while.

Forgotten how to speel hello, so that's a good start.
Forgotten how to spel sppell.

Anyway, today is Complaints Day. No its not, but it should be. Let's start with the film industry. Always a good target for complaints, the film industry.

Need for Speed. The movie. Not even kidding.
So there's been this reasonably successful game franchise, right, and it's being turned into a movie. ONly "movie" and "game" are usually the other way around. And for a good reason. It is the most stereotypical, crappy, incredibly shit movie I have ever seen. And I've only seen the trailer. Which basically consists of manly beer swigging, screwing random shit onto a car and quotes like "RACE FOR REDEMPTION" and "WE'RE GONNA NEED A FAST CAR". C'mon, even Fast and Furious TRY to escape the mould (they don't succeed, but they TRY).

Then Noah. The cinematic soon-to-be blockbuster that's appears to have absolutely NO relation to the biblical bestseller of so many thousand years ago. Seriously, even I know it was 40 days of rain and a large wooden boat. Except the trailer shows Russel Crowe building a wooden cube, way too many snakes and no cows, geysers of water, Russell Crowe stabbing a sword into the ground to create fire for no apparent reason, and to top it all off, a YOLO Emma Watson cut. Who the hell knows why.

Now to the global technological crisis. We pride our world on our smug Galaxy smartphones, letters that fly magically to the other side of the world in miliseconds (read: email), and tha ability to find anyone, anywhere, anytime.
Hold up, but we're missing 239 of these impossible-to-lose humans? After almost 100 hours or it being confirmed gone, we still can't find 300 TONNES of flying metal packed with the latest geographic technology Earth has to offer? Plus the 250-odd passengers with smartphones? Something doesn't add up.

Oh wait, we're actually facking USELESS.

And my tech concerns don't stop there. I've just joined a French videoconferencing class to learn Year 11 French, (here's a sexist joke, I'M THE ONLY GUY) because my school is too manly for proper French lessons apparently and must learn the important subject of Rugby instead. Anyway, of the past 5 conferences, I've only been in 2. 1 was a internet downage at my school's end, 1 was an internet downage at the teacher's end, and 1 the teacher had a meeting or whatever. And the last lesson involved the teacher bugging out for 10 minutes, leaving me in a room where I can see 1 person, but for whatever reason the other 7 girls in the conference could ALL see me.

Um...awkward?

Yeah. So that's complaints day. Gotta go. Too much online French homework.

How to capture a calf

Huh.

I'm back on the blog. It all seems so familiar yet so unfamiliar. So long, so stupid, so...goddamn it I don't even know what the heck I'm talking about.

Back at school, into the whole serious-exams thing, blah blah blah. Real busy, but hey, who gives.

Anyway, that's not why I'm here. My nonsensical ramblings aren't exactly blog-worthy. See, over the summer, our calves escaped many times. Around 50 I imagine. And so we have to recapture and pen them again. So here are my top ten methods for capturing calves.

1. BLACK FLAG

Get a large rag and soak it. Follow the calf slowly and whenever you want to change it's direction throw the rag in the opposite direction. It will meander off the other way. I personally use a black rag.

2. HASHTAG MANIPULATION

Record a moo and set up a loud radio near the destination. Often it will attempt to find the source of the moo. Very effective if successful, however only measured at 60% success rate

3. OUTSTROP

Some calves are stroppy. (it means pissed). So you have to out-strop them sometimes. They run, you BIKE. Get a bicycle and when they run, outspeed them. Manoeuvrable motorbikes work well too. Corner and catch them.

4. PUBLIC SPEAKING

Stand in front of them and clear your throat. Loudly. Now start talking about random crap, but do it loudly and change your pitch all the time to keep attention. The second person sneaks up and attaches a holster and leash to them. Note; I found talking about environmental politics worked best.

5. REMOTE CONTROLLED CALF

One thing all animals have in common; they HATE remote controlled vehicles. Get a decent RC buggy and chase the calves to the gate. Petrol ones work best as they go fast and create a loud noise. It may be scare tactics, but it's a good last resort.

Oh and by the way, if any animals rights activist has something against me, I suggest they go shove their complaints up their proverbial.

2014 + I HATE Transformers

2014. Yee fecking ha. Another year of misery, depression, global warming and anothe year closer to the closure of the age of humanity.

What a happy person I am.

There is literally nothing to look forward to. Transformers 4, for example. Transformers should have been left at the first film. The second was just absolutely shit. What a load of bollocks. So because the US Government, with their entire 684 billion dollar military, don't believe that the Decepticons are a threat (bollock No1, everything's a threat in the US), one gangly, college-failing teenager who somehow got the hottest girlfriend on the face of the planet just by owning a Camaro (bollock No2, 1972 Camaros are shit), has to travel to Egypt. But of course, there's no difficulty in getting to Egypt. Why, they couldn't possibly have him go through DIFFICULTY, such as transporting a midget robot on an airline to the other side of the world. No, of course they find a Transformer in a museum and it can TELEPORT. Optimus Prime, the only other Prime, is weak as shit and can't teleport, but this old man can.

Sorry, I just HATE Transformers 2.

However, there are two things we must thank our lucky balls of fire for; in 2014, there will not be a Twilight sequel, and there will not be a Pacific Rim sequel.

The Supreme Master has blessed us with some minor degree of luck this year.

Happy New Year.

(now I'm off to throw up over that post-Christmas sentiment)

2013; ACTORS

Okay, so recently the Emmys and the MTVs and whatever have been going...We're going to compile our very own list of BEST AND WORST AND DOWNRIGHT SHITTY ACTORS 2013. (I know MTVs are music. Shut up.)

BOSS ACTORS:
1. Morgan Freeman. Nothing says Boss more than Morgan Freeman
2. Liam Nesson. I apologise, but I only got around to watching A Team yesterday. And Batman's latest trilogy. He. Is. The. Flucking. Man.
3. Samuel L Jackson. I shall refer not to Nick Fury, but to Django; "I count 6 bullets, nigger."
4. Christian Bale; Batman is awesome
5. Robert Downey Jr. Someone who plays both Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes is automatically on this list.

BEST ACTORS
1. Robert Downey Jr. Straight up.
2. Johnny Depp. Come on, don't give me that look.
3. '

Actually, screw this. I'm going to present my dream movie instead.

Cast: Johnny Depp, Robert Downey Jr, Morgan Freeman, Jesse Eisenberg, Liam Neeson, Mark Ruffalo, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Lawrence, Anne Hathaway, Christian Bale, Leonardo DiCaprio, Judi Dench, Andrew Garfield, and last but not least, Irrfan Khan (he's the good-guy Indian scientist off 2012)

Director: James Cameron, Christopher Nolan and Steven Spielberg co-directing
Producers: Peter Jackson and Guillermo del Toro, maybe Quentin Tarantino.
Special FX producers: Michael Bay and Ridley Scott.

Screenplay writer: Derek Landy and Anthony Horowitz, along with Christopher Nolan.

Yep

Bye