Yay. Just got the new Skulduggery Pleasant book. Do tell me I read too much, because I do. Do tell me I watch too much Geordie Shore and Big Bang Theory, because I do. Don't tell me to be ashamed of it.
BECAUSE I NEVER WILL BE.
(because Geordie Shore is just too hilariously idiotic to ignore)
PS the book is really long.
Thursday, 29 August 2013
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
Tech Shit
Hello, Minions.
It's getting lonely here. So I have taken it upon myself to do something. And that something is...
MOST STUPID TECH SHIT 2012-2013
Lets go.
1. Blackberry Z10. Nobody wanted a touchscreen from Blackberry, as it would be crap. So they did it anyway. And hola, it was shit. No Android, a bulky, horrid handset, sitting beside the iPhone in Worst Operating Systems Ever.
2. iPad Mini. This was the most pathetic game of catch-up ever. Apple knew they had to do it, and yet they failed. No Retina display (obviously so they could add it next year and call it revolutionary), a 5mp camera begging to be upgraded to 8mp in 2013, and most of all, it was only ten bucks more expensive than the cheapest iPod Touch. So...either Apple are making a huge loss on the Mini, or (more likely) massively overpricing the iPod.
3. This wasn't actually a 2012-2013 device, but it was so ridiculous it deserves mocking. Zune. Microsoft Zune. A rival to iPod, it flopped. Nobody wanted it, as Apple had well and truly taken the non-cellular entertainment device market to a 100% share. Microsoft, stick to Windows. You do most things better than Apple, but don't combat iPod. iPod is, and for the foreseeable future will be, king. And queen, for you stupid feminist people that insist I should stay home and cook and clean while women change tyres and drink beer.
4. Mozilla Firefox phone. Thats right. An OS based on Firefox. Lets not even get started.
5. And...yes, I will do it. iPhone 5. The iPhone needed a major reboot, and thats not what happened. What happened was a ridiculously lengthened screen, with no other upgrade AT ALL. Come on. I hate Apple, but surely they won't stop THERE. I expected a 13-15mp camera. A flash new set of shit to play with. Something else. Heres the difference between Apple and Samsung. Apple work something amazing out and say "We'll drag it out. What if we run out of new ideas, what will we do then?" Samsung go "Heres a genius new idea, create an entirely new phone around it and also include it in the Galaxy S4/S5/S6 whatever.
Yarp
It's getting lonely here. So I have taken it upon myself to do something. And that something is...
MOST STUPID TECH SHIT 2012-2013
Lets go.
1. Blackberry Z10. Nobody wanted a touchscreen from Blackberry, as it would be crap. So they did it anyway. And hola, it was shit. No Android, a bulky, horrid handset, sitting beside the iPhone in Worst Operating Systems Ever.
2. iPad Mini. This was the most pathetic game of catch-up ever. Apple knew they had to do it, and yet they failed. No Retina display (obviously so they could add it next year and call it revolutionary), a 5mp camera begging to be upgraded to 8mp in 2013, and most of all, it was only ten bucks more expensive than the cheapest iPod Touch. So...either Apple are making a huge loss on the Mini, or (more likely) massively overpricing the iPod.
3. This wasn't actually a 2012-2013 device, but it was so ridiculous it deserves mocking. Zune. Microsoft Zune. A rival to iPod, it flopped. Nobody wanted it, as Apple had well and truly taken the non-cellular entertainment device market to a 100% share. Microsoft, stick to Windows. You do most things better than Apple, but don't combat iPod. iPod is, and for the foreseeable future will be, king. And queen, for you stupid feminist people that insist I should stay home and cook and clean while women change tyres and drink beer.
4. Mozilla Firefox phone. Thats right. An OS based on Firefox. Lets not even get started.
5. And...yes, I will do it. iPhone 5. The iPhone needed a major reboot, and thats not what happened. What happened was a ridiculously lengthened screen, with no other upgrade AT ALL. Come on. I hate Apple, but surely they won't stop THERE. I expected a 13-15mp camera. A flash new set of shit to play with. Something else. Heres the difference between Apple and Samsung. Apple work something amazing out and say "We'll drag it out. What if we run out of new ideas, what will we do then?" Samsung go "Heres a genius new idea, create an entirely new phone around it and also include it in the Galaxy S4/S5/S6 whatever.
Yarp
Wednesday, 7 August 2013
Jono & Ben
Uh, hi.
I really have no idea why I thought about this crap. It may or may not have something to do with the fact that it popped up while I was in a social studies reliever class, where we did absolutely nothing for 50 minutes straight. I'd like to know why learning about Jews emigrating to Palestine is any use to anybody going through the NZ education system, by the way.
Anyway, that not the point. My first whinge (spellcheck thinks whinge isnt a word. It IS.), is that of sandflies and God. And death. They are related through the prospect that all things go to heaven. Rabbits, humans, whatever. Anyway, if we kill a sand-fly, it's going to be waiting for us in heaven or hell or whatever. So I have just realised that slapping a sand-fly against a car window not only will condemn me for killing an animal, it also condemns me to eternity with that damn sand-fly, where it cannot be killed. Stupid religion. NOBODY LIKED YOU ANYWAY, GOD.
Oh and by the way, for all you who buy free-range eggs, think about what you're really supporting. You're supporting animal equality. You want chickens to have a good life.
So if you must have animal equality, stop now and never, ever stand on a spider again. Or slap a sandfly. OR whatever. You want animal equality. You can bloody have it. All being equal is communism, and everyone knows communism is impossible. Im. Po. Ssi. Ble. So go on, animal communists. Be like that. Because vegetarianism isn't showing a greater-good heroism for animals, it's showing your lack of intelligence to see that communism never has, and never will work. It's basically walking around with a gigantic hat saying HERES AN IDIOT, BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM!!!!!
I'm done for the moment, except for my latest YouTube thing. Jono and Ben. They're Kiwis, so the stuff they do is local, and hilarious. I'll post one of my personal favourites below, and another with my next post.
WATCH IT. Its awesomeness.
I really have no idea why I thought about this crap. It may or may not have something to do with the fact that it popped up while I was in a social studies reliever class, where we did absolutely nothing for 50 minutes straight. I'd like to know why learning about Jews emigrating to Palestine is any use to anybody going through the NZ education system, by the way.
Anyway, that not the point. My first whinge (spellcheck thinks whinge isnt a word. It IS.), is that of sandflies and God. And death. They are related through the prospect that all things go to heaven. Rabbits, humans, whatever. Anyway, if we kill a sand-fly, it's going to be waiting for us in heaven or hell or whatever. So I have just realised that slapping a sand-fly against a car window not only will condemn me for killing an animal, it also condemns me to eternity with that damn sand-fly, where it cannot be killed. Stupid religion. NOBODY LIKED YOU ANYWAY, GOD.
Oh and by the way, for all you who buy free-range eggs, think about what you're really supporting. You're supporting animal equality. You want chickens to have a good life.
So if you must have animal equality, stop now and never, ever stand on a spider again. Or slap a sandfly. OR whatever. You want animal equality. You can bloody have it. All being equal is communism, and everyone knows communism is impossible. Im. Po. Ssi. Ble. So go on, animal communists. Be like that. Because vegetarianism isn't showing a greater-good heroism for animals, it's showing your lack of intelligence to see that communism never has, and never will work. It's basically walking around with a gigantic hat saying HERES AN IDIOT, BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF HIM!!!!!
I'm done for the moment, except for my latest YouTube thing. Jono and Ben. They're Kiwis, so the stuff they do is local, and hilarious. I'll post one of my personal favourites below, and another with my next post.
WATCH IT. Its awesomeness.
Sunday, 28 July 2013
Latest News on ChannelThatNobodyCaresAbout 3
This is disturbing. I have a visitor from Venezuela. Until about ten minutes ago I did not know how to SPELL Venezuela. But hey, you learn something everyday. Unless you're at school.
I have a good excuse for not posting for...shit it's been three months. Thats a while. Not in the context of the universe being around for fourteen billion years, but in cyberspace its a while. Anyway, my excuse is being in Europe for two months without my beloved laptop. Hmm, beloved sounds creepy. My good ol' laptop. Meh. Too Texas/redneck. But yeah, I've been away. Its done me good. France is cool, Italy is cool, England...could do with a better traffic management system. And less I SCREWED YOUR MOTHER t-shirts. Guys, come on.
But this post is about more than just...uh...stuff. This post is about X Factor. Or as the TV stations like to call it:
X FACTOR
Seriously, though. The all-encompassing doom of X Factor has managed to crawl it's way past border security (which is little) through the conscience of Television New Zealand (which is zero) and onto our shores. Your might think "Whats so wrong with X Factor?". Well, I could just use those two words: One Direction. I could also add the supposedly successful judges. I mean, Britney Spears had two divorces, plenty of psychological meltdowns and way too much plastic surgery. Hardly a role model for impressionable little Carly Rose Soneclar. Or maybe we could throw in the dreadfully accented Reece Mastin of Austrabritannia, as his voice suggests. And then there's the failures. Nobody remembers G4, the band that came second in 2004. Whereas Coldplay were making it then, and certainly didnt need X bloody Factor. Or maybe Joe Elderberry. Also a UK winner. What about Josh Krajck, the runner-up of USA 2011? Failures. The only famed ones are those who placed second, third, etc. Which means the judges misjudge. All. The. Time.
This time Jackie Thomas won the X Factor New Zealand. This was first ruined by one of the judge's creepy staring, while the other judge said 'bro' about fifty times per episode. Then there was the development of the singer. She started out fine enough. But singing isnt what is wanted for X Factor. No, no Skinny Love won't do. Apparently the X Factor is having an autotuned single with too much background crap. Cough, Kelly Clarkson.
I won't go on as it's getting late, but I pledge on this day to not watch next year's season. It will be crap. If talent exists, let it happen. Don't squeeze it out, genetically modify it and re-insert it. You'll end up a Barbie doll. Useful for the first ten minutes out of shop.
Bye
I have a good excuse for not posting for...shit it's been three months. Thats a while. Not in the context of the universe being around for fourteen billion years, but in cyberspace its a while. Anyway, my excuse is being in Europe for two months without my beloved laptop. Hmm, beloved sounds creepy. My good ol' laptop. Meh. Too Texas/redneck. But yeah, I've been away. Its done me good. France is cool, Italy is cool, England...could do with a better traffic management system. And less I SCREWED YOUR MOTHER t-shirts. Guys, come on.
But this post is about more than just...uh...stuff. This post is about X Factor. Or as the TV stations like to call it:
X FACTOR
Seriously, though. The all-encompassing doom of X Factor has managed to crawl it's way past border security (which is little) through the conscience of Television New Zealand (which is zero) and onto our shores. Your might think "Whats so wrong with X Factor?". Well, I could just use those two words: One Direction. I could also add the supposedly successful judges. I mean, Britney Spears had two divorces, plenty of psychological meltdowns and way too much plastic surgery. Hardly a role model for impressionable little Carly Rose Soneclar. Or maybe we could throw in the dreadfully accented Reece Mastin of Austrabritannia, as his voice suggests. And then there's the failures. Nobody remembers G4, the band that came second in 2004. Whereas Coldplay were making it then, and certainly didnt need X bloody Factor. Or maybe Joe Elderberry. Also a UK winner. What about Josh Krajck, the runner-up of USA 2011? Failures. The only famed ones are those who placed second, third, etc. Which means the judges misjudge. All. The. Time.
This time Jackie Thomas won the X Factor New Zealand. This was first ruined by one of the judge's creepy staring, while the other judge said 'bro' about fifty times per episode. Then there was the development of the singer. She started out fine enough. But singing isnt what is wanted for X Factor. No, no Skinny Love won't do. Apparently the X Factor is having an autotuned single with too much background crap. Cough, Kelly Clarkson.
I won't go on as it's getting late, but I pledge on this day to not watch next year's season. It will be crap. If talent exists, let it happen. Don't squeeze it out, genetically modify it and re-insert it. You'll end up a Barbie doll. Useful for the first ten minutes out of shop.
Bye
Tuesday, 16 April 2013
Thursday, 11 April 2013
Highway Patrol
Wow. Was just watching Highway Patrol and there are some seriously thick cops around. They threw a spike strip down for an escaping car to drive over, and whoopsy-daisy, forgot to pull it up for the two police cars! The officer just grinned ans said "Oops". Seriously. $80 per tyre, and you just wasted eight of 'em. $640 taxpayer dollars down the drain, thickhead. BASH THE BASTARD!!!
Wednesday, 10 April 2013
Idiot
Seriously. I just read a thing in the paper about youth deciding what they want for Christchurch's future. One said 'Christchurch should have a theme park so they don't have to go to Australia for their thrills.'. Wow, genius, you really thought that one through. Like, we could totally compare to Brisbane or the Gold Coast as a tourist area. Hell yeah, we got the beach babes, the hundreds of hotels, the massive airport, the sharks, the HEAT. Yeah we could definitely start a theme park here. In fact, why not start three? Because, hey, competition! And while we're at it, we'll build a few Sky Towers, launch a couple of TV shows, put a sign on the Port Hills saying Christchurchywood, and let's even throw a Disneyland into the mix while we're at it. Because there's a HUGE 50000 kids to satisfy here, and heaven knows that they'll be going to the theme park every day of their lives in Christchurch. And y'know, because Christchurch is about as far away from anywhere as you can GET, the tourist demand is huge.
They say God gave you a brain, so use it. This particular 14 year old, maybe he missed the line.
Um, I THINK that's it.....
Oh yeah.
Picture
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)