Some of you may have heard about the new HAPIspoon. In fact, there's a HAPIspoon, HAPIfork, and a HAPIknife too. What do they do, you may wonder? Well, the handles are slightly thicker in order for them to accommodate various electronics that monitor your eating rate. If you're eating too fast, it buzzes and flashes a light, in order to slow your food consumption rate, and hopefully lose weight.
Now here's something it can't do. You can't speak to it, in order for it to comprehend "I NEED TO PICK UP MY DYING MOTHER FROM HOSPITAL YOU MORON, STOP BUZZING!!!!". It can't do that. It also can't tell the weight of your spoonfuls, so if you eat one pea per mouthful, this will really get on your nerves. Neither can it tell what food you are eating. Imagine using one of these at a spaghetti eating contest!
But if the whole buzzing and light flashing thing can't stop you devouring your amazing, incredible-tasting Pams Instant Chocolate Pudding, then here are some ideas for future inventors...
1. The UNHAPIspoon. If you eat too fast, it uses it's built-in speaker to playback every Hitler-screaming-his-ass-off moment from Downfall. This one will probably make you tear back to Walmart for a refund.
2. The OWMYHANDspoon. If you eat too fast, poison-tipped spikes will shoot out of the spoon and stab you in the hand. Following this is an extremely painful death. OWMYHANDspoon.inc takes no responsibility for anything. WARNING; this is a one-use product only.
3. The GORDONRAMSAYspoon. If you eat too fast, the spoon-head flies off the handle.
4. The SURPRISEspoon. Eating too fast, too slow, or anything out of the range of 1 spoonful per eight seconds (zero margin), will result in a 50000 volt electrical shock.
5. The iSpoon. This spoon is very similar to the HAPIspoon original, but includes a small touchscreen on the handle, that shows a sad face if you are eating too fast, and a happy face if you eat at the correct speed. However, the warranty is only 30 days and to repair it, you need a special set of iSpoon tools, and as soon as you open it up, Apple will deny they ever created the spoon.
That's all for today. I'll just post a picture of the original HAPIspoon. Looks weird, but whatever.
Also, who would buy different coloured ones?
No comments:
Post a Comment